ngamanda1986

Time flies. Today is the last day of 2010 already and i can't celebrate my new year eve in anyway because i will be extremely tired when the 24hrs experiment is up.  it only allowed me to sleep for 2hrs and this is why i hated timepoint experiments that are so close together. while typing this, my eyes are already half opened. i guess i would need a toothpick later to open up my small eyes for my last timepoint.  i am typing this while waiting for my flow machine to be ready for use.

Since it's the last day of 2010, let me see what have i achieved. Finally, this is the first time that i would say it's a relatively fruitful year as compared to all the rest because i had finally earned myself a good degree and am now embarking on the career related to my degree. i am the lucky chap who has a choice to choose which company i would like to go. I am of course happy to be in this company because i have always wanted to join this company. Before long, i am with this company for half a year already and i am left with 6mths to end of contract. i have to AGAIN decide where i want to go or whether to stay. Staying is not a big issue because my colleagues are a bunch of wonderful people. Not forgeting the group of friends i have made during the ITTC course who are the ones that brighten up my boring working life. Nevertheless, there are many  things to consider to see if it's worth staying on. 

beside working and working.. life is good.. i am thankful for having a bunch of really close friends (they knw who they are) who nv fails to brighten up my life. All i want to say is a big thank you to everyone who has been really nice to me especially my family members and Sulin! Sulin is really a very nice girl, the nicest friend i ever have. One important thing to master in life is to cherish those who are around you before they leave you. Many people regretted when the love ones left.

As we grew up, the number of real friends shrinks but those who remained are true and real. The time spent with family is also shrinking because there's just simply a lot of things to accomplish. How could i not work, not meet a friend whom i haven't seen for weeks or months? how could i not attend birthdays, festives celebrations or gatherings? How could i not have time of my own to do self grooming? If the above have to be achieved, there's simply not enough time to give everyone. This is why i always feel sorry to my family especially my ah ma who is already old. I hope to spend more time with my family in 2011 onwards.  

i am getting real sleepy now and hope that i could pull through this experiment. 

Happy New Year to those who are reading this.

amanda
feeling: smashed
 

i guess no one will be bothered to read any more blog in this era where facebook is the in thing. Since i already had this account, i shall just post and not care so much.

Time really flies. it had been 4 years with NUS. Finally i am near the finishing line and right now just waiting for the verdict to be out at the end of May. I am proud of myself to have come this far. Uni life is nv great, easy nor simple as you could imagine. Year one was like a living hell which i came home everyday like a walking moron and spoke with few words. My close ones were so worried abt me and my parents told me to quit school if i cant take it anymore. Being a perfectionist, i cant handle failures. Dropping out of uni is considered a big failure to me. I learnt to adapt and finally overcome the culture shock. There goes year 2 and 3 which were hectic years. When i enter uni, i know that i will want to go into honours. I was lucky that my grades allowed me to do so.. Then i enter year 4. Year 4 was the MOST hectic and challenging year. I felt that i am expected to know how to juggle between the modules and the fyp which was near impossible. I told myself that i must endure through it. Yes i did and i have to admit that my lab frens are a bunch of wonderful people. Without them, especially Ting, i would probably not live as well. Year 4 went by at a supersonic rate that i hardly feel the dreadfulness. it was the most hectic but most fruitful and enjoyable year. i really love those labmates.

Before the study break and after thesis submission, i started job hunting slowly. i felt quite lucky that i was asked to attend interviews. The interviews came in consecutively right after the exams. i went for 4 within 3days. i had to admit that i was like a scary cat days before the interviews but on the actual day i wasn't as nervous. i went there with that kind of trying out mood and attitude. That's why i wasn't nervous. The interviews went relatively smoothly and i could answer most of the questions. Interviews is all abt who can say the most convincing lie and whether u can "sell" urself. Giving politically correct answer is vital. Tell me what you would like to do in 5years time. Graduate studies! like real..

Few days after the strings of interview, i was offered jobs from 2 institutes. i am really thankful that i was given a choice and  this choice was a difficult decision for me as both jobs were equally attractive. anyway i made my decision and got into the company that i want, ended with the job that i wanted too. It's a training program with an institute given no bond and paid a salary. I am lucky that job hunting wasn't much of a chore for me as i sort of enjoyed the job hunting process. Maybe becoz it's short and not long. I am extremely happy that i got into the job i wanted. the last thing to worry abt is to get a second upper classification for honours. Without that, everything is null. Sad to say, this is the harsh reality. You have to be the best to be selected. I am glad to have given this opportunity and hope to really strive well for this job. I can expect long working hours with that level of salary. Nevertheless, i know i wouldn't regret at all. nv regretted so far and i know i wouldn't. tml i am going down to sign the papers.

Currently, i am on holidays all the way till July when my job starts. Anyway, i know i will be a happier person. But there's still sth that is tugging in my heart. it's not worth it anymore. time to move on and faster then before.

amanda
feeling: life is good!

it's really tough and near to my brim. i dunno how much more stuffs are coming in to add into the work load that i am facing.

I believe that it's not going to be an easy year to endure. Everything is in a big big mess; both my life and my studies.

amanda
feeling:so screwed

i think i really had enough of my own nonsense. I just dont seems to get things done the way i needed it to be.

I need to focus
I need to be more efficient
I better not be a procrastinator
I better wake up my damn idea before it's late

amanda
feeling: down at the bottom

每段故事都有一篇剧情
每段爱情都像动人旋律
一颗真心却只向着你前进
也许爱越单纯越着迷

你是窗外另外一片风景
在你眼里我是什么关系
你的呼吸藏在我的爱情里
何时能诚实面对自己
我们从不开口那个言语
那一句我爱你
永远像少了勇气
别人都说
我和你之间的关系
没有人相信只有关心

我们从不正视那个问题
那一些是非题
总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待
爱情盛开那一个黎明
一定会有美丽的爱情

This is a rather unusual day at home as it's a weekday. normally i should be in the lab during the weekdays, no matter whether there's expt going on or not. i tink it's becoming a habit of mine now. but today i decided not to head to the lab and stay home to do my hell lot of readings. i dunno how effective this is going to be. i will make it an effective one coz im gonna be out for lots of fun this evening onwards till sunday.. so there's simply no time to do any proper work. i took a peep at my organiser just now and realised that i am relatively occupied for the next few weekends. Sounds fun but at the same time, i got to find time to do my readings.

Talking abt life. I am happy to have my frens ard with me. i am glad and thankful to have frens making an effort to come by and look for me when they know that i dont feel good. this really makes me feel so loved. =) i am not particularly down or what. in fact, im not even stress yet. i am just bored to be home on the weekend. Glad that you came and accompany me! =)

Both wj and i were discussing abt the growing up process over our suppers. we had been frens for a decade exactly and had seen each other going through different phases of life. though these are not the major phases. we see the changes in us and among our frens. it's sad to see how much our close frens had changed. 

Wj told me that the time u have is a pie chart. if you are going to give this much to this person, then u will definitely have to cut it down somewhere. this is also the reason why it's always not possible to have so many close frens. coz time is always the limiting factor. i totally agreed with what he said. i realised that my the share for my family on my pie chart is getting smaller and smaller and the part spending in sch or with frens is occupying up the space. to be true, i am feeling really sorry abt that. i knw that granny is getting old and weak, and i needed to spend more time with her before regretting for not doing that. on the other hand, i also want to finish my work and get out to have fun. oh well, this is life.

i am heading out for a show later. hopefully my fren will be able to make it, if not i am going to catch it all by myself coz we already bought the tickets. Am trying hard to stay positive!

amanda
feeling: time to head back to work!

I need to do alot more readings.. need to get motivated and console myself that it's e very last phase..

just attended a wedding of my fellow labmate ytd.. it was really fun to attend wedding with those u know..=) this is e very first time i actually know every single one who is sitting on the table and also the groom.. unlike those that i attend with my parents where i dont even know who the heck is the bride and groom until that day. it made me wanna get married too! haha..

alright gtg. time to stuuuddddyyyyy..... this holiday had made me a shopaholic.. i wannntt shoppinnngggg....


amanda
feeling: shitty.

there goes my summer holidays.. anyway, it wasn't really a total holidays for me since i started fyp early. but nevertheless, i still like this holidays. =) time flies...i'm going on to my last yr this aug and in no time i will be graduating from this sch next july. im sure this sch doesn't leave me with any good memories.

i have a thought of leaving singapore for a period time or rather a long one. throw me to some place and let me be independent on my own. i dunno if i'm able to survive. i talk to a few frens about this thought.

some said that i will be able to.
some said that i wouldn't go coz of family.
some said that i should go since i have e youth and time.
some said that they wouldn't bear to see me away for such a long time
some just kept quiet, listening to me and only said that it's a really long period of time.

all responses were anticipated. im disappointed for the last. although i always hope to hear something more, it turn out to be otherwise. Perhaps i should really go if opportunity comes. something is definitely holding me back. i dunno if it is worth it all the while. Perhaps it wasn't.

amanda
feeling: disappointed

what would you do if you will be granted a wish?
i want to be pretty. i'm vain but you couldn't deny the fact that looks does matters.

if you could turn the clock for once, backwards or forward, what would u do?
i want it backwards and be like a child. back then my granny is still young and mobile. life is so nice. no stress, no responsibility. i am running away from the reality.

if you have a chance to undo one thing, what would you do?
nothing come across my mine. so far i nv regret all the decisions i made.

if you are filthy rich, what would you do?
i hope that i will be happy. i want the best for my family. everything needs money; from your first breath till your last breath. but i nv want to be a millonaire. i just want enough spend and let my family to live in comfort.


amanda
feeling: time is running out!